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1. Scandal
2. Live-In boyfriend

1. Scandal
Q: I have a burning question. What is meant by "being scandalized" by something? I saw photo of dancing seminarians which offended me greatly. Is this an example of being "scandalized" by the Archdiocesan newspaper which published the photograph? http://www.sentinel.org/articles/2006-44/15060.html
(Sent by N.R.)

A: In a technical sense the word “scandal” which comes from the Greek “skandalon” means “that which causes sin or occasion for sin; that which causes stumbling or trouble.” Anything that is an occasion for sin or gives people permission to sin is therefore, by definition, a scandal. I think the best way to describe it in layman’s terms is to say that scandalous deeds and examples are things that give people “permission” to sin.

I opened the link you sent, and I too was scandalized! It is a picture of some Samoan seminarians performing a traditional Samoan dance, half clad. It shocks. I wasn’t led into sin by it, but I can just imagine that lots of other impressionable youth may from their example think that this kind of behavior is appropriate for seminarians, especially because it seemed to have the approbation of the religious superiors. If it is okay for seminarians to parade around like that for “innocent fun” or “entertainment” imagine what kind of permission young people will feel for other such activities. Scandal widens the arena of moral permissibility which may be way beyond the boundaries of what our Faith teaches is appropriate. In this case, I think the seminarians stepped way out of bounds and so did their superiors in giving permission for the dance in the first place.

A cultural dance is one thing, and there are environments where those kinds of things are appropriate. There are also people for whom this may be an appropriate activity. However, a seminary and seminarians are neither. Anyone who wonders why we have problems with discipline among priests needs only to look to seminaries such as this.

2. Live-in boyfriend
Q: What do we do about my mother-in-law living with her boyfriend and insists that our children address him as grampy and acts as though we treat them as though they are married? My husband and I are in our 40s and cradle cafeteria Catholics. We as adults are homeschooling and learning about how to truly live our faith. My mother-in-law is in her 60s. She's always inviting us over. I don't think we should take our children to her house. My husband agrees BUT he doesn't want a confrontation with his mom. How do we respect our parents who raised us to be pagans? She seems to think that just by virtue of her being a mother we have to respect this [immoral] relationship. (Sent by A.T.)

A: Well, ma’am, this is the time to call a spade a spade. If you are not able to tell her to her face that she is living in an immoral fashion then stop going by her house and exposing your kids to her immorality, and she will eventually ask you why you are not visiting. We call that an evangelization opportunity. Take advantage of the chance to express your faith and don’t beat around the bush. You are doing neither grandma, nor your kids, nor your husband any favors by allowing this immoral situation to go unaddressed. If your husband cannot stand up to his mother on this matter then he must at least back you up so that the marriage stands as a unified witness against this scandalous situation that is seeking legitimacy. Don’t give it any legitimacy; your kids’ souls are at stake.

Politely tell her that you are trying to teach your kids the correct concept of marriage and family which you do not see displayed in her living situation. Tell her that the kids will become confused by calling a live-in boyfriend by a diminutive family term of affection “grampy” when he is nothing of the sort. Tell her that “grampy” will be treated politely as an acquaintance of the family, but he can’t be given any of the privileges of membership in the family. Tell her also that if the kids have a question about the correctness of the situation, you will have no choice but to set them straight. You owe it to your kids to make them know the truth.

Afraid of the consequences? Of course you will make grandma angry! She is seeking justification for her immoral lifestyle. Tell her that you still love her as the mother of your husband but that you love your kids more. Never be afraid to do the right thing. Remember also the words of the Lord, “I have come to divide a mother-in-law from her daughter-in-law…” (cf. Lk 12:53). If all else fails, copy this response and send it to her: let her be angry with me!