A Journey Back from Same Sex Attraction | Jessica Owens

 

How can you help someone struggling with same sex attraction? How can Christians minister to the LGBTQ community and speak the truth about God’s plan for marriage?

In this interview with Jessica Owens, she shares her journey back from same sex attraction. After living a lesbian lifestyle for years, she realized the truth and beauty of God’s plan for marriage. Today, by the grace of God, she doesn’t struggle with same sex attraction anymore.

As Christians, we must help people struggling with sexual sins. But many people don’t know what to say. Find out how you can help individuals in your community who may be living (or are tempted to live) a gay or lesbian lifestyle.

CHANGED Movement website: https://changedmovement.com/ 

Related: Same Sex Attraction Can’t Stop You from Following God | Human Life International

Transcript:

Colleen: Hello, and welcome to the Living a Culture of Life podcast by Human Life International. I’m your host, Colleen, and I’m joined today by Jessica Owens from the CHANGED Movement. Welcome, Jessica!

Jessica Owens: Thank you! Thank you for having me.

Colleen: Thank you for coming on today. I’m really excited for this conversation. It’s one that I’ve been wanting to have for a while on this podcast. I happened across your website and was reading through the stories, and I thought, “This would make a really good episode.” So I’m really glad you’re joining us today.

Jessica Owens: Well, thank you for leaning into the conversation. I appreciate it.

Colleen: So your organization basically highlights the stories of people who used to live a homosexual lifestyle and now have embraced God’s plan for marriage. Could you share your story and how the movement got started—kind of just what happened there?

Jessica Owens: Absolutely. I’ll first start with how the CHANGED Movement got started. Ken Williams and Elizabeth Woning both have stories of leaving LGBTQ behind to follow Christ. Their stories are different, but both of them came out of that life. They’re now married—not to each other, but to separate spouses. Ken has four kids, and Elizabeth is married to her husband.

Both of them would say they don’t experience same sex attraction anymore, but they had long journeys navigating that. With a heart to really help people, they started meeting together and having conversations around the topic of: What did we not have that would have been helpful in our journey? What did God do in our process? How did He meet us? And how can we begin to create resources that would equip the Church to be a safe place—not afraid of the conversation, but able to hold the line with truth and also meet people with compassion?

So they launched their ministry originally under the name Equipped to Love. That went for about a year and a half—I think that was in 2017. Then in 2018, a piece of legislation came across in the state of California that would have made it illegal for them to do what they were doing. It was an infringement on religious speech and freedoms. It would have made it illegal for a pastor to help someone coming for help with unwanted same sex attraction.

They went to the Capitol and shared their stories, but realized no one was listening. People saw them as just two individuals and didn’t realize there were many others. So, with the help and support of our local church—specifically Chris Vallotton, who got behind us—we put together a book. It’s this book right here, called CHANGED Movement. It includes short stories and testimonies highlighting 30 to 40 of our friends who came out of LGBTQ backgrounds—ranging from gender dysphoria and trans experiences to same sex attraction as lesbians or gay individuals.

The idea was to say, “Hey, we’re not the only ones.” That book went to all the House of Representatives and Senators’ offices. The man who was sponsoring the bill—an openly gay man—actually met with us. We had healthy dialogue, and he was so impacted by our stories that he miraculously pulled the bill. That was back in 2018.

So all of a sudden, Ken and Elizabeth found themselves in advocacy. They never signed up for that, but as God often does, He had a different plan. They became voices for people with unwanted same sex attraction who are seeking help—and for family protections and family values across our nation. This includes the rights of parents to have a voice in their children’s lives, especially with the prominence of the trans topic.

That’s how CHANGED Movement was launched. We ended up having thousands of people lock arms with us. You’ll see their testimonies on our website. They’re saying, “You’re not alone, and here’s a different way.”

All we really desire is to have that dialogue—across the aisle—in a healthy, compassionate way, creating understanding. We love equipping the Church to be a safe place. That was the original vision for how it started.

We’re also in the advocacy realm. Like I mentioned, we go to D.C. every year and have engagements there, just holding the line on family values and biblical marriage, as you said. So yeah, that’s us—CHANGED Movement. I have the honor and privilege of being part of a movement that directly speaks to my personal story.

Jessica’s Experience with Same Sex Attraction

Just to give a brief overview of my testimony: I grew up in the southern part of the United States—a very conservative place with strong conservative values. It’s the Bible Belt. I was in the northern part of Florida and spent much of my adult life in Alabama. Churches are everywhere. I was raised in church and in a loving family, so I had a really great upbringing.

Unfortunately, during that time, it wasn’t common to talk openly about sex or sexual temptation. That just wasn’t something typically addressed, even in the church or youth group. It wasn’t very common.

So, when I was taken advantage of by an older teenage boy at the age of 13, I was touched inappropriately. That really created a fracture for me, as in I allowed him to do more with me physically, and that, coupled with the shame of thinking, “Oh, this is my fault. I must have done something wrong,” along with the experience of my body having a physical arousal response—because we know God made our bodies to do that, right?—within the covenant and beauty of marriage. But suddenly, I felt like I had just done the worst thing.

I went internal. I shut down. I didn’t tell anyone what had happened to me or talk about that experience. I found myself struggling—with masturbation, with getting online and looking at things, or having inappropriate conversations in that space. The shame just kept compounding for me, and I realized I didn’t know how to talk about it. It’s not that the people in my life weren’t safe—I just didn’t know how to bridge that gap. The enemy was really coming in to isolate me, to condemn me, to create fear, and to implant lies.

I like to say that experience was truly marking for me. Even though I was deeply involved in the church and had already given my heart to Jesus when I was young—I always wanted relationship with Him and had an awareness of His presence—that experience was painful.

But I ended up having an encounter with Jesus that was so powerful. I repented, and I actually experienced transformation and healing from the sexual temptations, including masturbation. As I went through high school, I really walked in purity. Still, I like to say there was this “hook of shame” that stuck with me—because of that painful experience I had.

I was a really athletic girl. I still love watching football and playing sports. I was a multisport athlete, and I loved being outside more than I cared about putting on makeup or doing the stereotypical “girly” things. Honestly, those are just stereotypes, right? But at the time, I didn’t really know how to express my femininity, and I don’t think I saw myself rightly.

There was a disconnect between how people perceived me and how I saw myself. That created a feeling of not measuring up as a woman. I wasn’t pursued by guys in high school in healthy ways—I didn’t get asked to prom or homecoming, which are big deals in the U.S. And so, this lingering lie settled in: I must not be good enough. I must not have what it takes. Will I ever be pursued?

Of course, my parents had no idea what I had gone through. Like any teenager, I was trying to figure out who I was, where I belonged, and what it meant to be me. Even though my parents were doing a great job affirming me, I had a hard time emotionally connecting with my mom in the way I needed. It wasn’t that she was doing something wrong—it’s just that the enemy came in and whispered, “See? You don’t even measure up to your mom.”

That lack of emotional connection, along with all my insecurities, followed me into college. I was a Division I softball athlete and formed a close friendship with one of my teammates. We were both Christians, and at first, it was a healthy relationship. But over time, I found myself staying in her room, cuddling in ways that crossed boundaries. There was an emotional entanglement—what we’d probably call codependency today. I became emotionally and even obsessively dependent on her. I felt jealousy when she had a boyfriend. I began experiencing same sex attraction.

Here I was, 19 years old, living in the Bible Belt—and I felt like I had done the worst possible thing. If I couldn’t talk about what happened to me at 13, how could I possibly talk about what was happening to me now? This was around 2005–2006, and back then it wasn’t as common or accepted to “come out” or have those conversations.

I ended up finding comfort in some friends who were lesbians and had come out to me. I started hanging out more in that community, thinking, Maybe they understand me. Maybe this explains why I never quite fit in. Eventually, I acted on those feelings and lived in that lifestyle for six and a half years. I hid it from my family—so I was one person at college and someone entirely different when I was home.

Living two lives gets old really fast.

What I often say is that beneath it all, there was so much pain—pain from just wanting to be loved and desired. I was trying to fill that void with women, with sexual experiences, with partying and drinking. That whole atmosphere was fueled by unprocessed pain. And honestly, there was a measure of comfort there for a while. I found acceptance in the LGBT community, even though I didn’t officially come out—I was still very much a part of that world.

But whenever my girlfriend would break up with me, or something went wrong, I’d have this moment of clarity and wonder, Is this really what I want? There was always a seed in my heart—a desire to love the Lord and serve Him with my life. And the longer I lived in that lifestyle, the more I began to wonder, Is this really honoring God the way I’ve always wanted to?

I started surveying my life and realizing, My life is a mess. Who have I become? I thought moving to a new city would change things, that maybe getting out of my environment would fix it. But nothing changes until our heart changes—until the Lord breaks through. And that hadn’t happened yet. I wasn’t ready to surrender.

But the Lord was pursuing me. In that season, I met some married couples who deeply loved Jesus—heterosexual married couples. And I remember thinking, They have something I don’t have. I saw joy in their lives—something I desperately wanted.

So I ended up—I started going to a church. It was a more Charismatic church, and the worship really began to minister to me. I mean, people were just worshiping the Lord, hungering for Him, and tears would roll down their faces. I would think, Wow, they must really know God, like I used to know Him back in high school and youth camps and all that.

I began to long for a relationship with the Lord again. Because when I was in the life, I would go to church, you know, two, three, four times a year. But I wasn’t really in communication with God. I wasn’t reading the Scripture. I loved Him, but I wasn’t living that life for Him.

One Sunday morning, I was at this church, and I basically had this experience. There was a young boy getting water baptized. I saw him go under the water, and when he went under, I heard this voice.

Now, it wasn’t audible, but I heard it—almost like it was coming from within me—and it said, “Jessica, don’t you want your father to see your children be mighty warriors for My kingdom?”

I was sitting right next to my girlfriend in church. We were in a same sex relationship. I had gone as far as to believe that I was going to marry her. Her dad was a pastor of a church that ordained same sex marriages at the time. That’s how far I was.

And I love this part of my story because God wasn’t afraid to pursue me right where I was—in church, with my girlfriend. Now, you wouldn’t have known. I didn’t present myself as masculine, and you wouldn’t have known we were together. But God spoke to me in that very moment. He saw me.

I felt this conviction though. I was like, You know, I can’t have a family. I can’t reproduce life. This desire in me to be married one day, to have a family, to build a legacy for the Lord and for my physical family—that wasn’t going to be possible.

So I did a very courageous thing. Three days later, I called my mom, and I finally got it out in the open. I finally confessed. And my mom responded with such compassion and unconditional love. That drove me back to church, where I ended up at the altar receiving prayer and having another powerful exchange in worship.

Up to this point, I didn’t understand the Holy Spirit. I didn’t understand spiritual warfare. I didn’t know that the enemy has principalities—demonic principalities—that are out to steal, kill, and destroy my life.

I experienced, honestly, kind of a war going on as I radically surrendered my life. I felt this heaviness lift. The best way I can explain it—it was almost like a deliverance-type experience. But no one laid a hand on me. The presence of God was setting me free.

I ended up repenting that day, confessing what I had been doing, and recommitting my life—radical surrender. And after that encounter, I didn’t experience same sex attraction.

I mean, I had to sit in my master’s program with my ex-girlfriend, and I had no attraction to her. That was absolutely shocking—like, How could God have done this? It was always amazing to me. Like, God, how do You love me so much after what I’ve done?

I feel like this is when I really understood the cross. This is really when I understood what Jesus did for me. Jesus was tempted in every way that I was, yet was without sin. He took that upon Himself to make a way for me to have access to Him at all times.

So it’s not by my own ability or strength, but it’s by His Spirit that I walk in freedom as a new creation. I really began to understand what it meant to be born again. You know, we can be born again, we can be a Christian and give our lives to Him—but we don’t always access the full freedom that’s in Christ.

I began to be discipled. I had people that I started walking with, and even though the same sex attraction was gone, there was still a lot of healing I had to go through over those years.

This was back in 2012 when that happened, and so I’ve been walking in freedom for 11 years now. There was a process of inner healing—inner healing prayer that brought transformation to my life. There was vulnerability and community, fellowship with others, where I studied Scripture. I learned how to root myself in the Word and in His truth, and how to stand in this new identity—to see myself the way that He saw me.

The fear of man, insecurities—those were things I used to struggle with. Renewing my mind to the mind of Christ really began to bring greater freedom and transformation.

I moved out to Redding in 2018, which was right when CHANGED was launching—not knowing that at the time. I came out to do ministry school at Bethel Church. I did all three years, and then I came on board serving in our ministry during my third year of school. I was assisting Elizabeth, who’s our co-founder.

Now, I’m a licensed pastor through Bethel Church, and I get to help and pastor young people. I serve in our youth group here as well. I just get to be that safe place of, “Hey, you’re not alone, and God wants to meet you in your brokenness.” He actually cares, and He can bring the healing you’re seeking.

So yeah, that’s just a little bit of my story.

Colleen: That’s so powerful. It makes me think of the Gospel—when everyone’s questioning Jesus, like, “Why are you with the tax collectors and the sinners?” And He says, “Those who are well do not need a doctor, but only those who are sick.”

The church is there to uphold the truth—God’s plan for marriage and sexuality—but at the same time, we’re all sinners. People struggle with different types of sin, and it’s so important to meet people where they are, to help them reject sin and welcome God’s grace.

God has a plan for everyone, and helping people free themselves from sin and embrace that plan—that’s how they become the best version of themselves.

Jessica Owens: Yes, absolutely.

Colleen: You said you kept it a secret, but did anyone know? Like, did anyone try to help you leave that lifestyle when you were living it? Or was it basically just you and your girlfriend in that community, and everyone else didn’t know?

Jessica Owens: Yeah, there wasn’t really anybody who knew that necessarily took a step to lean into me or ask questions.

There was one person in my life who was influential, who I think saw some of the early signs of the unhealthy or codependent relationship. But the way they went about it was a little bit challenging for me—I kind of shut down.

I don’t necessarily think they did anything wrong. I just think I was in a place of, You don’t understand me, or That’s not really going on, because I hadn’t yet accepted that I was struggling with same sex attraction.

So I was kind of in this place of denial—out of fear and shame. Most people didn’t know, and if they did, they didn’t ask or lean into those conversations.

A Christian Response to Same Sex Attraction

Colleen: What do you wish someone would have said to you—like, what would have actually been helpful for you at that point?

Because I think sometimes, as Christians who want to help people, we don’t always know what to say. It’s easy to freeze or avoid it entirely, because we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. But what would have helped you receive guidance back then, if anything?

Jessica Owens: Yeah, I think for maybe some of my Christian friends, or even some of the leadership people that were in my life—if they saw some things that were concerning—I wish they would’ve just come to me and said:

“Hey Jess, we’re seeing a possibly unhealthy situation in some of your relationships. And because we love you, we’re just a little bit concerned. Is anything going on that you want to talk about? We want you to know that nothing you tell us is going to make us love you any less. Whatever you’re going through, we want to walk through this with you. Is there anything you’d like to share with us?”

I think if they had leaned in like that—and even if I didn’t respond the first time—just following up if they continued to see something unhealthy… that might have helped.

It’s possible I would’ve gotten it into the light sooner. Because when I finally, for example, told my mom—and I realized she wasn’t going to reject me or leave—that whole fear of rejection didn’t have a hold on me anymore. It just didn’t work, because my actual experience was the opposite. So coupled with that, I think asking questions, intentionally spending time with me, and leaning in relationally would’ve helped.

And I would actually back up even further—to my youth stages. I really feel like that’s where it all started. So, for anyone listening who’s in youth ministry, or who has children at that stage: it’s never too late to start talking about sex and to start having those conversations.

Just leaning in and asking, “Hey, how’s your purity walk going? I just want to remind you—there’s nothing that’s going to change the way I love you. I’m here to support you. Just wanted to check in.”

I think starting to talk about what healthy, biblical sexuality looks like is important—but even more so in those one-on-one relational moments. Not avoiding the more “hot topics.” Asking direct but loving questions. Because maybe if someone had asked me at that stage, I would’ve been able to share about the masturbation struggle, or about what had happened to me—when that boy took advantage of me.

That should’ve never happened. But of course, no one knew that it had. And no one ever directly asked me, “Hey, how’s your sexual purity going? Have you had any struggles or anything happen in that space?” Those kinds of conversations—I think they would’ve been really helpful.

What Causes Same Sex Attraction?

Colleen: Do you find that a lot of people who experienced same sex attraction suffered abuse at some point? Because that was a common theme that I saw in a lot of the testimonials on your website. A lot of people said that they’d had something like what you had, where a boy takes advantage of you at a very young age or had a family member who abused them. It seems like a very common theme. Is that something that you find?

Jessica Owens: That’s a great question. It is very common. Now, I can’t say every single person who experiences same sex attraction has had a form of sexual abuse or trauma, but I would say the percentages to me are very high. There aren’t many people I speak to who didn’t have something like that happen.

For example, Ken, our co-founder, at the age of eight years old found a pornographic magazine. What he saw in that magazine was so vile — men doing acts with men — and then his younger friend touched him inappropriately, obviously modeling what he saw in those magazines. That’s where everything started for him, and he tells you that.

You do see that often. Sometimes it’s not just physical abuse; it can be emotional abuse, or they grew up in a home that wasn’t stable. Maybe dad wasn’t there, or dad was very aggressive or an alcoholic, or vice versa with mom. Any type of early childhood effects like that really shape the way we see ourselves and also the way we interact with God.

Our parents model to us who the heavenly Father is, what it looks like to receive comfort and nurture. Most of the time, if it’s not sexual trauma, you’re going to see some form of disconnect between a parent — mostly the same sex parent — where you see a lot of that disconnect.

So yeah, I would say it’s very common, and we like to highlight that because a lot of times people think their attraction is just “this attraction,” but a lot of times there are reasons why that’s coming up.

You can help someone see, actually, this attraction isn’t who you are; it’s not your identity. We believe that temptation is not who we are. Temptation is not sin. Jesus was tempted in every way but didn’t act on it. Jesus wants to talk to you about that temptation because He wants to help you resolve what’s going on so that you can stand in your authority and who you are in Christ.

We really love to help people get curious about what’s going on and unpack that same sex attraction to get to the bottom of where that lie came in, where that belief system started. That can be powerful when people have that moment with Jesus, when they’re talking to Him about it, and they realize, “Oh, this isn’t me.”

Colleen: Yeah, and I think it’s important to recognize that a lot of people who suffer from same sex attraction—they’re struggling with something, and they don’t need to be judged. They need someone to enter into that hard conversation and really help them deal with temptation and be able to reject that.

But yeah, it doesn’t come from a place of “me versus them.” It has to come from a place of relationship—like, “We’re going to work through this together,” and experience God’s healing, and really try to heal the root cause of whatever is causing this.

Jessica Owens: Absolutely, 100%. And you know, just to kind of lean into compassion toward the person because, you know, I didn’t choose to have same sex attraction with my best friend. I didn’t go, “Oh yeah, this is what I want.”

I mean, think about my story—I wanted to serve the Lord. I wanted to please Him. I wanted Him to be in my life. I wanted to live my life for Him, and then I found myself with these experiences.

So someone that’s experiencing this, they’re really experiencing it. It’s really real to them, and that can be painful. That can be painful.

So when we can understand and lean into that with that compassionate heart—to seek to understand the person, to communicate to them that we love them, that we’re here for them, that we want to walk with them, that this doesn’t change the way we see them, it doesn’t change the way we view them—and honoring them when they are being vulnerable with us, and building that safety and trust—that’s life-changing.

When you can bring something into the light, and someone can be that safe place for you—it means so much. So lean into your compassion, lean into that compassionate heart.

Yes, reject the sin, but love the sinner, and really have that approach.

How Did Same Sex Attraction Transform Your View of Marriage?

Colleen: How was your experience with same sex attraction and everything that happened there? How has that changed or shaped your view of marriage now? Do you have more of an appreciation for it?

Jessica Owens: Interesting question. I think I do. Because I had such pain in that area, it really drove me to seek the Lord for what was the beauty in why He created sex, right? Why He created man and woman.

What does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a man? What are the beauties in that, the complementary effects in that? So I definitely think it gave me not only more reverence but a fuller view of marriage.

One of the things I love that I discovered is, you know, marriage—there’s one reason Jesus wants it in covenant, and that He also wants it to be with one person forever. It’s because marriage models His commitment to us.

When Jesus marries us—essentially, when we marry Him and give our lives to Him—we can break our commitment to Him, but He never breaks His commitment to us.

So that view, I think, needs to be restored in the Christian body: Wow, marriage is so holy, it’s so sacred that it has the power to communicate to the world the love of Christ to us—the bridegroom to the bride—that Jesus never breaks His commitment to us, ever. That revelation really came through my healing journey.

So, do I believe that God ever wanted me to experience same sex attraction? No. But I believe the Lord uses it. What the enemy meant to steal, kill, and destroy, God will use in my life for abundant life.

So yeah, I think it’s definitely given me an appreciation for marriage and a holy reverence for it. Also, in my singleness—I’m not married—but I’m not rushing into marriage, you know? Marriage is not heterosexual marriage as a solution to coming out of same sex attraction. It’s not an indicator that I’m free.

So it’s like, no, I don’t want to be married to just anyone. I want to be married to someone who reveres marriage the same way I do and is willing to lay down their life for me just as much as I’m willing to lay down my life for them. Marriage is, “I lay down my life for you,” just like Jesus laid down His life for us. It’s sacrificial, not always easy, costly, but so worth it. So yeah, it definitely gave me that, and I’m very grateful for it.

Colleen: Yeah, it’s your cross when you marry someone. That’s the cross you’re taking on for the rest of your life, and they’re taking you on as their cross. Marriage isn’t easy; it is hard—and it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. There’s a lot of grace and a lot of great happiness, but it is also hard.

You don’t just get married for the sake of getting married. You get married because you found someone you want to help get to heaven and spend the rest of your life with, right? I mean, I think marriage is a beautiful purification plan.

Even Jesus says, “Take up your cross and follow me.” It’s a life of surrender. It’s not about what I want—it’s laying down my life. I think that level of surrender has been one of the keys to my freedom. It’s that continual process of “not my way, but His way.”

Many People Struggle with Sexual Temptation

Jessica Owens: Well, I think it’s important to remember that same sex attraction is a temptation to one sexual sin, but there’s a lot more. You can’t, as a Christian, look at one type and say, “That’s bad, but we’re okay with everything else.”

You have to recognize that everyone is going to struggle with it—or maybe not everyone, but a lot of people struggle with sexual sins of some type. We all need to work through that. We’re all called to chastity. If we’re called to marriage, then we’re called to be loyal to that one person for the rest of our lives. And if we’re not called to marriage, then we’re not called to sleep around with people. So just recognizing that we’re all called to live a holy, chaste life and embrace God’s plan for sexuality in whichever state of life we’re called to.

Colleen: Yes. What advice would you have for Christians who want to help someone struggling with same sex attraction but don’t really know what to say or how to appear compassionate but not judgmental, while also upholding God’s plan for marriage and not condoning something that they see as wrong or that is wrong?

Jessica Owens: Yeah, that’s a wonderful question—something we’re really passionate about here. The church can know that they have so much to offer and so much to give. In my opinion, the body of Christ is the solution. We are the answer. There’s value we can cultivate in family that is totally countercultural to the world.

I think it’s important that church bodies go on that journey of “What does it look like to be the family of God? What does it look like to love one another? To not objectify one another, but to serve one another?”

From that place, when it comes to someone in your congregation who’s opening up to you that they’re experiencing same sex attraction, if you find someone leaning into you relationally and sharing that with you, you’ve done something right. They’ve trusted you with something that’s probably not easy to say.

How you respond right there is so key. Respond with empathy and compassion, reminding that person when they confess to you that this doesn’t change the way you see them, and that you’re going to walk this through with them.

If it’s someone you’re helping, say, “Hey, I might not have all the answers, but we’re going to go on a journey of finding some of those.” Like, we have Change Movement, we can get some resources from them—we’re going to do this together.

Helping that person find healthy community in their congregation is important. Men need to have a vulnerable, safe space with other men. Whether or not they have same sex attraction, but specifically if they do, because a lot of the time there’s a fear and a disconnect with the same sex.

It’s like, “I don’t measure up to being a man,” for example. Many men feel that way when they struggle with SSA. They need to know they belong among other men. So men inviting men into their homes, having conversations, being intentional, inviting them into masculine fellowship gatherings—that’s important.

On the other side, it’s important women have that space too—a place to belong among other women, to share with multiple people, and realize they’re going to be loved and walked with. So there’s that side—like, I have a relationship with someone and they tell me. Then there’s the other side—like, “I may observe that this person struggles or I’ve heard they’ve been open about it, or maybe they’re thinking they can be a Christian and be gay,” for example, and they’re in your congregation.

Maybe you don’t see eye to eye on the topic, but they’re coming into your church and fellowshipping. I just pause here to say it’s important that the church creates that space for anybody to come, be in the presence of God, worship Him, and receive from the Lord.

If you’re in that place and want to pursue connection, my advice is to build relationship. Put their label aside and pursue connection with them.

It can be powerful to have people in your home, share a meal, create a place where you’re getting to know who the person is, and start caring about them.

Eventually, when you build that trust, the topic is probably going to come up—“How do you see this area of my life? How do you think God sees it?”

That’s your opportunity to respond with, “Hey, I believe in a biblical view of marriage, and here’s why I think it’s beautiful and powerful. But I also believe the Lord loves you and cares about this. I don’t believe that’s His design, but despite us seeing this differently, I’d love to walk with you, answer questions, get in the Word together.”

If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say, “Actually, I’m not sure. Let’s explore Scripture together. Let’s watch some content. Let’s find the answer together.” The last thing I would say once you build connection is get curious. Ask questions: “When did this happen for you? When did you start experiencing this?” Listen and try to get clues—was there anything in their life when this started?

Most importantly, as they’re open, lead them into encounters with the Lord. Do they know how to hear God? That He wants to meet with them? How can you facilitate moments where they can encounter the Lord? These are probably more one-on-one, close relationship settings.

Right, every single person that I know who has received radical healing in this area of their life and seen the same sex attraction significantly decrease, or you know, let go of the label or would say, “I don’t experience this anymore,” it all began because they had an encounter with Jesus Himself.

You and I can’t persuade anybody, and it doesn’t help to get into that, right? But Jesus—He’s pretty persuasive when He knows how to break through with His kindness. It’s His kindness that leads us to repentance.

So, facilitating those moments, inviting them into worship in your home, just fellowshipping, allowing them to see your life, sharing Jesus—what has Jesus been to you? How has He healed your life? How has He met you? Sharing places of victory like, “Hey, I had this issue in my life, and it was painful, and God met me, and now I don’t struggle with it.”

Testimonies can be so powerful. Encouraging words, speaking over someone—like for me, I didn’t feel beautiful, and I didn’t feel that feminine expression. Sometimes we forget that the simplest affirmation can mean so much. A lot of the times, individuals who struggle with same sex attraction are starving for affirmation and acceptance.

So, finding ways to encourage them and call out the beauty you see in them, the giftings on their life, can be really powerful. I gave you a lot of information there, but I hope some of that encouraged you guys.

Colleen: That was really good. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to have this conversation—because I feel like a lot of times there’s this paralysis. People push the LGBTQ agenda so hard in today’s society that people just want to react to it. But that doesn’t work when you’re working with an individual. You can’t just react to what they’re struggling with and push them away or make them feel judged for their temptations, which they may not even be acting on.

You have to be able to help them work through it, help them deal with that, and help them know that they are loved and valued by God, that He does have a plan for them, and that He wants them to do something great—that they have gifts and talents and a place in this world. They’re not just forgotten by God, or the church, or people.

Jessica Owens:  Yes, absolutely. Not feeling isolated is so important. And I think one of the primary lies the enemy has used to disarm the church is to get someone to believe if they haven’t had this experience, they can’t relate or be as effective ministering to someone. And I just want to say: don’t buy that lie.

If you’ve felt it, it’s okay—we all can. To me, it’s one of the projections of fear that the enemy is using to get the church to do nothing. We’re so afraid to do something because we don’t want to push someone away.

When actually, in my life, the women that discipled me in those first three to four years—most of them were a little bit older than me, some of them were peers—but not one of them had my story. Not one. They were just people who loved Jesus and were compassionate. They oozed Him. When I was around them, I wanted to be with them. They were kind and fun.

These women spent time with me—they invited me into their homes, with their families, ate lunch with me, had breakfast with me, met me for coffee, listened to my heart. Not one of them had my story, but one thing they did do was they were there for me. They leaned in, asked the hard questions, and didn’t change their love for me—no matter what I confessed or said.

And that honestly changed my life. It was the body of Christ. I’m going to say this in the conservative environment: I had a group of women who just loved Jesus, and they oozed Him. They discipled me in the Word and said, “Hey, come on a journey with me, walk with me, and we’re going to see God do something amazing in your life. This is not who you are.”

So, I just think that every person hearing this who loves Jesus—you’re the solution. If God is burning this topic in your heart to want to love, there’s a reason why He’s doing it. Because I believe that God is going—He’s already doing it.

There are thousands of people leaving the lifestyle. Thousands who have even physically transitioned their bodies that are transitioning back to their biological identity. God is on the move. He is doing a good thing.

So, fill yourself with testimonies. Get on our website. Fill yourself with the hopeful narrative. Get off the news a little bit because it likes to tell you a different one. Fill yourself with that hopeful expectation that God can do the impossible. He did the impossible in my life.

When we carry that level of faith, it makes a difference when we’re meeting with people. Feed your faith and know that you’re valuable, and God wants to use you. He wants to use you to minister His love to the people around you.

Colleen: I love that you brought up relationships as, in a sense, like the solution—a way to help people. Because God created us for relationship, and that’s why we have all these rules. That’s why there are rules about chastity and rules like the Ten Commandments—they’re all about relationships.

Our relationship with Christ, and our relationships with other people. And the more that you build those healthy relationships, the more that you help people form their relationship with God, and their relationship with the people around them—and their relationship with themselves—the more they’re going to be free from the shackles of temptation and sin.

Or, even if they still struggle with temptations, they’ll have that relationship with God to ground them.

Jessica Owens: Absolutely. And you know, this is not a sexual issue—it’s a relationship breakdown. It’s an intimacy breakdown. So, it’s not necessarily all about purity. You see that even in the pornography world or any type of sexual addiction—it’s really not a sexual issue. These are people in pain.

They’re experiencing incongruence that’s not lining up—often with their faith. “What’s wrong with me?” That’s a hard question, especially when the enemy makes you think you’re broken in some way.

We like to say that most of the healing we see happens—obviously—in the presence of Jesus, but Jesus wants to love through people. That’s how He did it.

Relationships can be hard, but they are the most beautiful and powerful thing on the Earth. He wants to heal us in community. We can’t do this alone. None of us can. We need each other. And we’re the solution.

Colleen: Yeah. And He loves us even in our brokenness. He loves us through broken people, to help heal that brokenness. And it’s so beautiful.

I remember hearing once that there were four relationships broken by the Fall: our relationship with God, our relationship with each other, our relationship with ourselves, and our relationship with the Earth.

And I just—I love looking at the Christian life as healing all those relationships. Restoring your relationship with God, restoring your relationship with yourself, and just really beginning to live out what God had planned for you—and still has planned for you—and is doing.

Jessica Owens: Yes, absolutely.

Colleen: Thank you so much for joining us today. This has been a really good conversation, and I hope it’s a really fruitful one for our audience. I think it’s such an important topic that people don’t always know how to address. And just being able to address it with compassion and truth.

Jessica Owens: Yeah—well, thank you so much for wanting to have the conversation. It means a lot to me. A conversation like this—if I had run across a resource like this—it would have really impacted my life earlier on.

So, thank you for being willing to have it. And if anyone listening wants to connect, you can find us at www.changedmovement.com. We have testimonies, resources—check us out, contact us, we’d love to get connected.

Colleen: Yeah—thank you so much.

Jessica Owens: Thank you for having me.

Colleen: And I’ll link that in the description as well.

Jessica Owens: Awesome. Thank you so much. God bless you.

Colleen: And to all of our listeners—please like, subscribe, check out the new eBooks we have coming out, and keep on living the culture of life. God bless.