Marriage and True Love versus “Contraceptive Love”

It is not uncommon to question why the Catholic Church is interested in contraception. Further, because the subject is rarely preached about or spoken of, it is often unclear what exactly the Church teaches and why. 

Modern society idolizes what it perceives as freedom, especially regarding human sexuality. Some assert that “love is love.” Sex is seen primarily as a matter of “self-expression” or “self-fulfillment.” This means one can love whoever they want and however they wish. However, proponents of this view never define what “love” is, or acknowledge the potential harm this view creates. After all, not everything someone does in the name of “love” is truly loving or beneficial to others. In other words, there is no understanding that genuine love involves an unwavering commitment of the will to seek the true good of the other, respecting their dignity and one’s own.  

If one believes that “love is love,” any act is permissible, even when it violates the good that is relative to one’s sexual powers. The responsibility, morality, and dignity which belong to any Christian view of human sexuality are absent. This point of view inevitably leads to the “contraceptive mentality.” This is the mentality that one can have sex without consequences, but it must be free from the “burden” of conception. The result of encouraging this kind of sex leads to the destruction of any sound idea of marriage and family life. Human sexuality becomes unhinged from the necessity of self-denial. Sexuality is thus divorced not only from possible procreation but also from marriage itself. Once it is accepted that human sexuality is concerned primarily with “self-expression” or “self-fulfillment” there logically is no need to be married. Contraception is what makes this plausible.

In rejecting contraception, the Church makes it clear that the choice to contracept has an intrinsic meaning. Procreation is an end of the marital act. To act against the nature of this end in contraceptive sex is to reject the order of the good that is inscribed in the nature of the conjugal act. In other words, a couple cannot reasonably define the act purely in terms of the end they have in view: the good end of enjoying sexual intercourse without risking conception because they believe that other responsibilities or circumstances would make it irresponsible for them to conceive. The means by which they achieve this end is contraception, which is always immoral. Its “wrongness” is that it is a contra-life choice.   

Far from a never-ending list of “no’s,” Catholic teaching about contraception and marriage is primarily an affirmation of great goods to which the Church proclaims a resounding “Yes.” Her teaching is made “in the light of an integral vision of man and of his vocation, not only his natural and earthly, but also his supernatural and eternal vocation” (Humanae vitae, no. 7).  

Because we are addressing human behavior and the values (goods) like marriage, conjugal love, and procreation that people pursue, the Church is concerned that these be valued in themselves and not be compromised. Furthermore, the Church not only has a vested interest in the good of Her sons and daughters but also in “the well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society [which] is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 1603).

The Good of Conjugal Life

Marriage is a life-long covenantal relationship between one man and one woman. In this exclusive and indissoluble union, spouses enrich one another’s lives, so that their mutual love might give rise to new life. Despite the many variations marriage has undergone through the centuries, it is “not a purely human institution,” teaches the Catholic Church. It is not a creation of man, but an institution of nature that has been divinely ordained by God: “The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator” (Catechism, no. 1603). Marriage is “the wise institution of the Creator to realize in mankind His design of love” and the marriage between the baptized has been raised by Christ to the dignity of a sacrament (Humanae vitae, no. 8).  

Love is by nature opposed to the rejection of another’s good, as well as one’s own good. Our bodies are not something we simply have. They are part of what we are. We are bodied persons, male or female. Additionally, sexuality is not something we have, but, like my body, it is something I am, hence, it is part of my body. And because fertility is an integral element of sexuality, which gives one the capacity of begetting human life through a bodily action, sexual intercourse is also a good to be valued. In other words, a couple who engages in sexual activity that thwarts the procreative end of sex is violating their own good and the good of the other. This includes the biological good, i.e., fertility and procreation.  

Today, there are many attempts to redefine marriage, human sexuality, and how children are begotten. In Casti Connubii, Pope Pius XII speaks about the freedom of man and woman to enter into marriage. They choose to marry, which is an act of the will. However, this freedom doesn’t imply that they can change or ignore the nature of marriage or redefine it. The Holy Father says, 

Though each individual marriage arises only from the free consent of each of the spouses, this freedom, however, regards only the question whether the contracting parties really wish to enter upon matrimony or to marry this particular person; but the nature of matrimony is entirely independent of the free will of man, so that if one has once contracted matrimony he is thereby subject to its divinely made laws and its essential properties (no. 6). 

Pope St. Paul VI, in Humanae vitae, describes the “essential properties” of marriage, saying “this love is above all fully human…it is a love which is total…is also faithful and exclusive…[and] this love is fecund” (no. 9). In other words, being human, the couples’ bodies are essential and what they do with their bodies is relevant. As a permanent union, spouses seek the good of the other in the context of total and mutual self-giving (exclusive). And united in one flesh, every act of conjugal love must be open to the gift of life (fruitful). This conveys a profound union between spouses through their total self-giving and receiving, and the conceiving of a child.  

Because the inseparability of the unitive and procreative ends of marriage are essential elements, they cannot be separated from each other. This means that authentic sexual love involves willing what is good for oneself and for one’s spouse. Acts that reject the order of a human good, as in contraceptive sex, are contrary to the authentic love that is always to be expressed in the martial act. 

Pope St. John Paul II summarizes it best when saying,  

When couples, by means of recourse to contraception, separate these two meanings that God the Creator has inscribed in the being of man and woman and in the dynamism of their sexual communion, they act as “arbiters” of the divine plan and they “manipulate” and degrade human sexuality-and with it themselves and their married partner-by altering its value of “total” self-giving. Thus, the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality Familiaris consortio, no. 32). 

Contraceptive sex expresses contempt for the human good of fertility in authentic spousal love, viewing it as an obstacle to be removed. Furthermore, we must consider the relation of the couple to the child when contraception fails. If a child is begotten, surely there will be some feeling of regret because the reason they chose contraception was to prevent a conception (contra-life). The means they chose failed them, which can lead them to consider abortion. Or, even if they choose life for their child, there may still be some residual feeling of disappointment. This perfectly captures the “contraceptive mentality.”

The Contraceptive Mindset

In societies across the globe, contraception and its “mentality” have become normative, simply a part of life and conjugal relationships. Contraception is the direct intention of preventing by mechanical or chemical means the possible natural and procreative consequence of sexual intercourse – conception. The purpose, therefore, is to separate intercourse from procreation so that the contracepting partners can enjoy the pleasures of sex without fear that their sexual activity will lead to the begetting of another human being. 

Acceptance of contraception and its “mentality” is not confined to a segment of society. Scandalously, recent national studies reveal that over 90% of Catholics in the United States report using some type of artificial contraception to limit or prevent childbearing. This is a crisis of catechesis within the Church. We are not doing enough to address the issue and form the faithful. We need teaching that requires a response from the Church’s pastors, from those preparing couples for marriage, catechists working with Catholic youth, and from Catholic schools and universities that are teaching Catholic sexual ethics.  

A “mentality” is established when a person (or society) reacts automatically to a situation without thinking of the long-range consequences. It describes a pervasive mindset that is aware of the immediate benefit but fails to consider the future repercussions. This “mentality” is very difficult to correct because it is shielded by unconscious assumptions and preserved by consistent behavior and habit, making it very difficult to resist. For example, let us consider promiscuity. A person engages in promiscuous behavior because they seek pleasure, companionship, and gratification; however, there is little to no consideration of the consequences of such behavior – disease, emotional harm, or pregnancy.  

The “contraceptive mentality” exists when sexual intercourse is separated from procreation, the mentality is assumed as normative, and in employing contraception, the couple severs themselves from all responsibility for a conception that might take place from contraceptive failure. It implies that a couple not only have the means to separate intercourse from procreation, but also the right or responsibility to do so. It is also important to remember that at the very core of the “contraceptive mentality” is a fear of something which is perfectly natural – a child.   

Because of successful propaganda and the rejection of Judeo-Christian values concerning marriage, human sexuality, and family life, many people in our society, including Catholics, have the attitude that new human life is sometimes inconvenient and an unnecessary burden, rather than a sacred gift from God. This is what Pope St. John Paul II saw as a root cause of abortion, and he condemned it. When we see any human life as a troublesome burden we must manage, rather than a sacred gift entrusted to our care, there is a dangerous temptation to get rid of the “burden” by any means necessary. 

As Father Paul Marx, Human Life International’s founder, predicted, 

The foolproof contraceptive does not exist and sociological studies have shown, almost without exception, that intensive contraceptive programs, by emphasizing the prevention of unwanted pregnancies, also reinforce an intention not to bear an unwanted child under any circumstances; that is, there is a greater likelihood that women experiencing contraceptive failures will resort to abortion. 

We should also recall the prophetic words of Pope St. Paul VI in Humanae vitae, who spoke of the consequences of the “contraceptive mentality,” warning specifically men about the consequences of their actions saying, 

Let them first consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards…especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation – need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law.  

Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection (no. 17).

Lest We Forget

The heroic efforts of pro-life, pro-family groups striving to end the violence of abortion must continue, but I propose that our efforts will never reach the intended result without also addressing the “contraceptive mentality.” Though the “contraceptive mentality” is the root from which abortion flows, it too is a symptom of something much deeper. The desired goal of the revolutionary architects of the “sexual revolution” was to unmoor human persons from their inalienable dignity and enslave them to their passions and base appetites. Sadly, this methodology has been tremendously successful – attitudes and behaviors have been greatly corrupted.  

Exposing the violence of abortion is crucial, and we must continue to work toward removing this deep scar from our nation and world. However, many are afraid to address the fundamental issue that sustains the abortion industry – contraception and its mentality. If we truly want to put a permanent end to the violence of abortion and protect the sacredness of human life, marriage, and family life then we must confront this intrinsic evil that feeds the entire machine and reclaim the language that sustains an authentic understanding of life, marriage, and human sexuality.