We all have something about ourselves that we don’t like, that we want to change, or that we’re embarrassed about. That’s just part of life. But there are sins that threaten to swallow us, that seek to absorb us, and that change the person we were meant to be. Those sins often lead to guilt and shame. Most often, the sins we feel the most shame and conflict about are sexual sins.
Sexual sins are pervasive. And though we live in a world that likes to teach that we can do anything we want with our bodies, our faith teaches that God’s plan is something very different than that way of life.
When God created the first man and woman, He created them in His image. He created them to complement each other, to have a natural intimacy, to enjoy monogamy, and to love each other unconditionally. This intimacy is born of mutual love, mutual respect, the giving of self, and so much more. This is the kind of relationship that God wants for us. Why? Because we learn about God’s love for us when we act in that love toward a spouse.
As Pope John Paul II said in talks that became collectively known as The Theology of the Body, “The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine. It was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world the mystery hidden since time immemorial in God, and thus be a sign of it.”
When sin entered the world, people began to believe it was their right to do whatever they wanted, especially with their bodies in regard to sexuality. Today, they mock the concept that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Pleasure has become a deity of its own. And people hold fast to the notion “as long as I’m not hurting anyone, it’s fine.” This “me” outlook overshadows all understanding that sexual sins often damage a person’s own self-esteem, their partners, their families, and even their faith.
Then along came a multi-billion-dollar industry to capitalize on these sexual desires.
The Prevalence of Pornography
As of February 2024, four of the top 25 websites in the world are porn sites.
Pornhub, which ranks second in most popular porn sites, often compiles and disseminates data for the year regarding usage, trends, and so on. According to the 2023 data, the United States was in the lead for traffic to the Pornhub site “by a landslide.” Broken down by state, time spent on the site ranged from eight minutes twenty-one seconds to eleven minutes thirty-one seconds.
The average age of people who engage with Pornhub is 27, with men significantly more likely to visit the site. Yet worldwide women still comprise a large portion (36%) of viewers. The 2023 report breaks down the numbers:
Most viewers are between the ages of 18 and 34. This makes up over half the entire viewership. The 18-24 age bracket made up 27% of all traffic and the 25-34 age bracket made up 26% of all traffic. After that, the numbers decrease. The 35 to 44 age bracket made up 19% of all traffic and the 45 to 54 age bracket made up 13%. After that, it was in the single digits. The 55 to 64 bracket made up 8% and the 65+ bracket made up only 7%.
The report then goes on to give statistics for what people searched for, who their favorite porn star is, which countries increased traffic, and so much more.
But What about Christians?
Christians are not immune to the allure of pornography. Because of the sensitive nature of the topic, in-depth research and studies are rare. A 2014 pornography survey done by Proven Men, a group that helps men overcome porn addiction, found that “the number of Christian men viewing pornography nearly mirrors the national average”:
- 97% have viewed pornography
- 64% view porn at least once a month
- 37% look at porn several times a week
Further, according to Covenant Eyes (a company that describes itself as “the pioneer of Internet and Screen Accountability™ software, empowering members to maintain their online integrity”):
- 1 in 5 youth pastors and 1 in 7 senior pastors use porn on a regular basis and are currently struggling. That’s more than 50,000 U.S. church leaders.
- 43% of senior pastors and youth pastors say they have struggled with pornography in the past.
- 64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women say they watch porn at least once a month.
- Only 7% of pastors report their church has a ministry program for those struggling with porn.
However, according to the Barna research group, which conducted a survey in 2015, “Practicing Christians are more than three times less likely to use porn than other teens and adults (13% compared to 42%).”
Regardless of the exact numbers, it’s obvious that porn has an allure that many people—including Christians—struggle to say no to.
Devastating Effects of Porn
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense.
While many porn websites (like Pornhub) generate excitement for porn, we know the truth. Porn hurts men, women, and families. It treats people like objects for pleasure. It gives the person who watches it a skewed vision of the true nature of sexuality. It leads to unhealthy desires, unhealthy attitudes about a sexual partner, and even the inability of men to become aroused in real-life situations.
Furthermore, porn hurts our relationship with God. In a 2017 study entitled “Seeing Is (Not) Believing: How Viewing Pornography Shapes the Religious Lives of Young Americans,” researchers found:
More frequent pornography viewing diminishes religious service attendance, importance of religious faith, prayer frequency, and perceived closeness to God, while increasing religious doubts. These effects hold regardless of gender. The effects of viewing pornography on importance of faith, closeness to God, and religious doubts are stronger for teenagers compared to emerging adults. In light of the rapidly growing availability and acceptance of pornography for young Americans, our findings suggest that scholars must consider how increasingly pervasive pornography consumption may shape both the religious lives of young adults and also the future landscape of American religion more broadly.
The more a person becomes drawn into the world of porn, the larger the wedge is inserted between him and God. And those who know that porn viewing is wrong begin to feel shame. Their disgust with themselves leads them to think that God has stopped loving them because of this sin. This self-loathing can then lead to increased porn usage, as they try to replace the intimacy and love of God and others with fabricated lust.
But God will never forsake you.
Dan Sheldon is just one example of this. When Dan was young, he found a Playboy magazine. It wasn’t long before he began looking at this and other porn magazines regularly. And when the Internet became available, he said “it was over, I could look at whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.” But images were not enough. He began wanting to act out what he saw and found himself having numerous sexual partners, even getting chlamydia at one point. He wrote, “I felt lonelier and lonelier with each partner. I no longer knew who I was.”
Thankfully, Dan had friends to help him. He reached out to them, talked about God and His plan for sexuality and marriage, and realized that he no longer wanted to live this way. he stopped using porn, stopped his promiscuous behavior, and most importantly developed a relationship with God. Dan is now married and has two children and speaks about the destructiveness of porn.
There Is Hope and Forgiveness in God
In 1 Corinthians, we read: “No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10.13).
And Proverbs tells us: “Those who conceal their sins do not prosper, but those who confess and forsake them obtain mercy” (Prov. 28.13).
There is no disputing God’s love. It’s a love we cannot even fathom. Because of this immense love, He will forgive us if we seek forgiveness.
The first step to living a life without a reliance on porn is to admit how destructive it has become. Whether you are married or single, you must acknowledge that it hurts you and all of your relationships—with your partner, with your children, with God, and even with your friends.
Just as it keeps you from true intimacy with your spouse, it keeps you from an intimacy with God.
But you can overcome the reliance on pornography and have a truly beautiful and amazing intimate relationship with God. How? You must work toward strengthening that relationship over time through prayer and through your actions.
How Can I Overcome My Struggle with Porn Usage?
First, pray. Talk to God and ask for His help in overcoming the desire to watch porn. Have an honest conversation with Him about your struggles. The temptation will likely come and go, so prayer must be your constant companion. Then seek forgiveness in confession.
You can also befriend saints such as St. Mary of Egypt, who lived a life of prostitution. Mary was never forced into this life. In fact, she liked this life so much that she often didn’t charge the men she was with. Mary would say later how consumed with lust she felt. One day she found herself with a group who was going to enter a church to celebrate a feast day. As she attempted to walk through the door of the church, she felt blocked by an invisible force. She tried three times to enter but could not. After much frustration and shame, she realized it was her sin holding her back. She repented and spent the rest of her life in prayer and seclusion in the desert, where she overcame her temptations.
St Mary of Egypt ~ Domenico Fetti
In addition to Mary of Egypt, another saint to befriend when you need help conquering feelings of lust is St. Catherine of Siena. Though she dedicated her life to God, and she loved Christ with all her heart, at one point she was besieged with lust and had visions she could not escape. Filled with despair, she went to God in prayer. She fasted. She opened herself up to Him. and the visions eventually passed.
When we examine the lives of saints, we realize that they are human, just like we are. They had the same kind of temptations. They struggled. They had demons they had to fight. But they didn’t give up! With the strength of God, they persevered. They overcame. And now they are with God fighting for you.
Just as Mary and Catherine sought a closeness with God, we too can become closer to Him. We can go to Adoration. There we can sit before the Blessed Sacrament in absolute quiet. We can be still. We can pour out our hearts. We can tell Him our shame, our sadness, and anything else. Then we open our hearts to Him. We listen for His words, His mercy, His guidance.
In addition to prayer and seeking the intercession of saints, there are some practical things you can do to help curb the temptation to watch porn. These include installing internet filters on your devices to block the porn sites, attending a support group, or having an accountability partner to help you stay away from certain sites. But the most important thing you can do involves changing your mindset. Speaking with a counselor or priest on a regular basis is of utmost importance.
When You Need Help
When you cannot handle the urges yourself, seek help from compassionate people who care and understand. There are many groups with members who know the struggle. They want to help you. They will help you get to the root of why you are suffering from this addiction. They will help you understand yourself and your struggles so that you can face them and overcome them. But not only that, they will help you forgive yourself. They know that this addiction often comes with self-loathing, and they don’t want you to live like this. Your family doesn’t want you to live like this.
CatholicCounselors.com has a program called CONNECTED: Recovery from Pornography. This is “an Internet-based group counseling experience designed to help men recover from the obsessional use of pornography and the damage it does to our mind, body, soul, and relationships.”
Other Catholic organizations have online or in-person counseling for both men and women with porn addiction. These include:
If you are looking for a Christian but nondenominational group, Pureheart Ministries “specializes in teaching Christian men and women how to break free of sexual sin, deal with the damage it causes, walk in consistent purity, and live out their God-given destiny.”
The Revive Counseling Center offers in-person and telehealth visits.
In addition, many parishes have their own programs. If you want something local or in person, contact your diocese, parish priest, or pastor.
Final Thoughts
Pornography hurts individuals, relationships, and families. And it hurts our relationship with God. Christians are not immune to the temptations of the world. In fact, some might say we are even more prone to temptation, as the devil seeks out those who are close to God in an attempt to ruin the relationship.
Christ taught us that “a thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy” but that He “came so that [we] might have life and have it more abundantly” (John 10.10).
In Christ, we can have the intimacy we desire. We can have the love we need. We can have goodness and joy we crave.
He is beckoning. Let us resolve to go to Him and sin no more.
This article was originally published in January 2022 and was most recently updated in March 2024 by Susan Ciancio.
Susan Ciancio has a BA in psychology and a BA in sociology from the University of Notre Dame, with an MA in liberal studies from Indiana University. Since 2003, she has worked as a professional editor and writer, editing both fiction and nonfiction books, magazine articles, blogs, educational lessons, professional materials, and website content. Fourteen of those years have been in the pro-life sector. Currently Susan writes weekly for HLI, edits for American Life League, and is the editor of its Celebrate Life Magazine. She also serves as executive editor for the Culture of Life Studies Program, an educational nonprofit program for k-12 students.
Matthew 6:5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
Matthew 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
Matthew 6:7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
Thanks. It’s very helpful to me. God bless your efforts to help persons in need.
This is good. Sad but good. I’m wondering if you have any articles geared to college students. My son is going to be a freshman in the fall and i am worried aobut all he will be exposed to.
Great question, Rhonda. I’ve passed along your suggestion to our education team. We do have a number of articles focusing on pornography (search “pornography” to see them all), and it’s a growing list. Here’s one geared specifically to teens: https://www.hli.org/resources/teen-porn-addiction/.